please critique my pencil test

[meleponine]

http://www2.gvsu.edu/~godutom/doubletake.swf
Please let it run through once before really looking at it, since each frame will load slowly first.
She is a pre-teen girl, supposed to be sitting in a horse-drawn carriage. She hears the voice of someone she knows, turns to see if it's him at a far distance, and then is surprised at what she sees. I drew it and quickly scanned it, but I haven't made any changes since I first watched it. I wanted to wait and see what folks here had to say first.

Please comment on the following:
Does the movement look correct?
How is the timing?
Are her expressions readable?
Is there anything appealing about her?
Application of principles
Does she stay on model/ do volumes stay pretty correct (with room for squash and stretch of course)
Anything else you see

Thanks!!! If you'd rather give comments at deviant art, it is found at
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24178135/
It loads a bit slower there though.

[Ontaious]

Right now the only thing that bugs me is her head turn seems a bit quick. But the timing on the reaction is great!

Volumes stay solid and from not having a model sheet to look at I'd say she stays on model

Good work.

[Lensman]

I like this test, the face stays on model very well, could use some extremes, and the torso is not affected by the clip clop of hooved feet. The reaction is a bit flashy should rotate not tilt. Not bad overall. I'd buy that for a dollar! Nice werk.

[meleponine]

Thanks everyone for the input so far!

Originally Posted by Lensman

I like this test, the face stays on model very well, could use some extremes, and the torso is not affected by the clip clop of hooved feet.

As for the "clip clop of hooved feet" The carriage is not supposed to actually be moving. It is stopped but she is sitting in it still. I just mentioned it as an explanation for why her body doesn't move a lot. She is pinned in place from the bum, down.

Originally Posted by Lensman

The reaction is a bit flashy should rotate not tilt.

What do you mean by that?? I assume you're talking about when she jerks back and she raises her left shoulder. Is it that she's not moving in as much of an arc as you'd like to see? Maybe her torso should pull back more and lower a little as it rotates from her hips... maybe now it it just moving straight back too much? Please clarify if you can!

Originally Posted by Lensman

Not bad overall. I'd buy that for a dollar! Nice werk.

Thanks for that!

Thanks again to everyone!

[Bandita]

Hey, that are very nice facial expressions. And the timing is also great!! Very well done!

[blinkmetoys]

At the beginning her head turns and as it turns it goes down to create an arc from point a to point b(which is good). But because the rest of her body(shoulders) does not move down to support this it looks awkward.

The speed and timing could use some tweaking as well.(i suggest acting it out how you invision it. have a stop watch handy and time each movement) Some more exagerated squash and stretch would be nice as well as some overshoots. For example, at the end she abruptly hits the last position giving a stiffness to it.

You have the followthrough/secondary animation down in the hair quite well. The drawing and character are nice. She reminded me of Bell from beauty and the beast when the first frame loaded.

keep it up.

[meleponine]

Thanks again to everyone for the help. Bandita, your praise means a lot! blinkmetoys, I will work on the things you suggested. I see what you mean about the rest of her body not following the arc in the head turn and the overshoot of her body at the end. I tried to do a slow out there to make it more smooth. Maybe exaggerating that more or adding the overshoot will help.

Originally Posted by blinkmetoys

She reminded me of Bell from beauty and the beast when the first frame loaded.
keep it up.

Hee hee... my dad though she looked like Ariel. I guess I can't hide my original inspiration.
Thanks again!